A Boy! A Boy? What Do I Do With A Boy?

We found out we are having a boy! A little boy! Very exciting but confusing. What do I do with a boy?? And little boy parts? I'm not sure what to do with boy parts, but be very delicate and careful.

Will my boy love sports? Will I be one of those mom's with a thermos out on the field watching my boy do x sport? How will I get out of work in time? How can I miss it? Will I hate it and want to fall asleep like professional sports, or will I enjoy it because it's my son? What if my son is on the bench (no surprise if he takes after mom) and I go to all his games in the hope that he plays, and he doesn't and I'm bored stiff? Can I email on blackberry or will the PTA mom's frown on that? Will anyone know that I've spiked my thermos with vodka just to stay awake?

What about acting..?? Will he act and sing and dance? Now THAT wouldn't surprise me. If he sings and acts and dances, am I setting him up to be made fun of in school? Or do other kids not care?? I'm assuming by the time my son gets married, gay weddings will be legal which is exactly what I need, because a son created by Chris and I, has at least a 85% chance of being gay. With a gay son I get the best of both worlds. A boy that loves his mom, loves to shop, go to broadway shows and decorate. I can't go wrong with a gay son!