From Hot to House

Up until last week, I was hot. Really, I was a hot momma! Even the construction workers would make cat calls in my direction. Now, I only get cat calls from the men that like to get it on with severely obese women. You know these men. They are skinny and nerdy show up on Maury Povich explaining why only 500 lb++ women turn them on. The standard line, “the more weight, the more woman to love”
I used to walk around, proud as a peacock over my growing belly - showing it off on the weekends with mini tank tops and only wearing skimpy bikini's to the beach.

Suddenly, and virtually overnight, I went from hot to house. When did this happen? I'm trying to review my food intake and time spent on the couch after work to see if really, I deserve to be a house. And you know what? I think I do. My ass is as big as my stomach, and with my spine supporting my tummy, it makes my ass stick out even further! I said it before, and it deserves to be said again, da dunk a dunk dunk. I can hear it with each step I take.

My plan: go to the gym and swim, walk, lift weights and do yoga. However, this is always my plan. And it never works!! Never! A great dinner always, always wins over the gym. Or a great TV show. Or a crap TV show and time on the couch. Just about anything but the gym.

This house weighs: 148.