I'm Old.

I was watching the Real World on MTV last night, (which by the way is now like soft porn) and one of the cast members, who is about 20ish, used the term 'Emo'. He said something to the effect of, "when I am Emo, I just want everyone to get along and I say things to please people instead of simply saying what's really on my mind."

I never heard the term Emo before. In fact, I thought he made it up. Then, Chris, my equally old husband told me that he heard that term recently from a younger member of his team - (shout out Janet). I couldn't believe it! I'm so old that I don't even understand what people on the Real World are talking about and, I'm so lame that I continue to watch this show every week and think to myself, "dear god, what do these kids mother's think."

to find out more about Emo link here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emo_%28slang%29

Hayden Must Be Gigantic!

This is me and my insane belly at 8 months. I am now, as of today 10 months preggo! That means, I've grown even more than in this photo. I'm 100% convinced I am housing and feeding an unusually large baby.

I sometimes feel like the mother of many obese kids. You know the moms who feed their kids sweets, pizza and burgers all day long and then wonder how their kids hit 200lbs at 10 years old. Well, that's me and I am going to pay when I pop this kid out.

Dreams...

I just realized that I haven't had any pregnancy dreams. None. Zippo. I always hear that pregnant women literally dream of being mothers. Why haven't I?

I want to know: am I doomed to be a bad mother if I never dream of being one? I had dreams of walking down the aisle before my wedding. I dream about my dogs all the time (even had one last night about Wheatie who I took for a long walk on the greenest grass you ever saw). I dream of work.

But not a single dream of pregnancy or motherhood. What is wrong with me?! Maybe because I do so much daydreaming about motherhood, I don't need to dream at night? Or maybe it's due to this damn blog! I bet that since I am 'oh so expressive' here, I don't need to dream about it. Yeah, that must be it. It's not that I'm deficient or anything - it's the blog.

I'm ready.

What more can I say? I'm ready! I want to see this kid... like now. Chris and I have had enough "oh my god, this could be our last date night!" to last a lifetime.

I also took a week off of work and I'm somewhat dreading it. What am I going to do for a WEEK at home? I'm not entirely mobile so it's not like I can trip the light fantastic all week. I'm basically sitting around waiting to go into labor and to top it off, I'm out of new netflix movies. There is only so much Martha Stewart one girl can take!

I'm going to try to go into labor tonight by willing this little bugger out of me.

Made It Through Thanksgiving!!

Phew, I made it through Thanksgiving without going into labor. I avoided the dreaded skeleton crew at the hospital.

The night was great, with my families (Nussbaum's and Young's) and a surprise visit from Grandma, who is staying over until le bebe arrives. At the beginning of the night, my dad and husband were sitting on the couch, watching TV, while all the women were in the kitchen. That tradition ends here! And, naturally, I told everyone in the room, made a big stink about it until the men got up and did more cooking and cleaning than the ladies - GOOD JOB MEN!

Baby Email Announcement: Do I Have Approval Rights?

So, I mentioned last night that my boss had a little girl. Her husband sent out an email note saying, "they were over the moon with excitement". It was very sweet. Most email announcements say something to the effect of, "baby x was born at x weight and inches. Mother & baby doing well". It's a SNOOOZE!

I suspect that Chris will write the snoozer email. He's a great writer, but when it comes to something emotional, he goes in the opposite direction and just provides the facts. I asked him to practice the email so I can review and approve it, but he refuses. If I were writing it, which I kind of want to: I'd say something like:

Subject: OMG! I HAD A BABY!
Body of Email: EVERYONE, HAYDEN IS HERE! HE IS BEAUTIFUL AND WE ARE MADLY IN LOVE WITH HIM, EVEN THOUGH HE PUT ME THROUGH HELL GETTING OUT!! HAYDEN IS 8lbs & 21". WE CAN'T WAIT FOR ALL OF YOU TO MEET HIM!

--notice a few things:
1. Everything in CAPS, because I'm so excited I'm yelling.
2. Exclamation points everywhere!!!!
3. Subject is all about me... because really, I have to take advantage of every last second I can be the star.

My Boss Had A Baby!

My boss (Ruth) was due exactly seven days after me. For the past 6 months we've shared in our pregnancy: giving tips, updates on how we felt, the ups and downs, etc.

Well, I'm excited to announce she had a beautiful little baby girl on Friday - Leah. We knew when she was coming, (scheduled c-section), but when I got the email announcement, I cried.

Her pregnancy, in my mind, goes hand-in-hand with my own. Knowing Ruth got through it all and has such a beautiful baby girl, makes me so excited for my own as well.

I couldn't be happier for you!

New Biggest Fear!

Okay, so this scenario keeps playing through my head. I go into labor on Thanksgiving. Doesn't sound so bad does it? I'd have my family here, everyone would be excited, I'd have my mom to lean on (no one is better at making me feel okay than my mom). Picturesque, right?

Wrong! I realized, suddenly that if I went into the hospital on Thanksgiving they'd probably have a skeleton crew. The nurses that are supposed to dote on me would be with some other laboring woman (in what would appear to them!), worse shape than me. But I have a lower tolerance to pain, and a higher need for attention and sympathy - so my simple pregnancy will require a lot of attention.

Most importantly, with a skeleton crew, how long will I have to wait for my epidural? Instead of a 30 minute wait, maybe I'd have to wait an hour or TWO or LONGER... oh dear lord.

New goal: keep baby inside me until after Thanksgiving.

Earmuffs!

For the record, one of the things that I haven't written about, but have wanted to, is all the gross and humiliating experiences associated with pregnancy. Because my family and co-workers read this blog, I'll refrain. I just wanted you to know that gross and humiliating things are happening to me.

That's all.

Due Date Update.

I knew he had it too cushy in there! Zero progress from last week. Maybe I should stop eating all the good stuff like chocolate and chicken parm and move to steamed broccoli and granola.

I'm Going To Have This Kid Soon!

I am 1 centimeter dilated and 70% effaced. What does that mean? I'm not exactly sure, except my body is prepping to eject this kid from my womb. I feel bad because Hayden's had it really good in there. I kind of imagine it like a cushy little waterbed with a built in food system. He gets to eat in bed - and believe me, he's eating better now than he will when he leaves.

Childbirth Class Take 3.

This was the very best childbirth class yet. I didn't go!

I had a party to attend, so I skipped class while Chris went in my place. He took copious notes that even his classmates commented on. Chris learned how to swaddle a baby, wash the baby, diaper (no talcum powder!), and all about projectile diarrhea, (yes, projectile diarrhea).

I’ll take this opportunity to give props to my man. Chris has truly stepped up the past few weeks. He put together Hayden's bassinet, bought a new camera, packed our bags for the hospital and submitted our registration information. What am I doing you may ask?? Never forget, I am building the baby.

Childbirth Class: Take 2.

Okay, I reluctantly went back to childbirth class. Hated it! I had to sit for two hours and listen to every possible complication a delivering woman can go through.
- Foreceps
- Vacuum extraction
- Breeched babies
- Labor followed by c-section
- Emergency c-section
- The sensation of scooping a child out of your womb when having a c-section
- The advice to bring clothes to the hospital that you'd ever want to wear again because you'll probably gush blood and goo all over them. Even days after delivery!

Bottom line: these are things I Do Not Need To Know.

The class was followed by a trip to the nursery - so we can see "the prize". We saw a 5 lb little girl, cute as a button. I was ready to walk out the door with that kid.

It was better than the first class when we saw a 10lb baby. That kid was born only a few hours before, but looked like his parents abandoned him several months earlier and he was about six months old. As long as Hayden stays small, I think I can do this.

Can I Keep My White Apartment White With A Baby?

Just moved into my new place about a month ago and I keep decorating in shades of white, cream and baby blue. My strategy was to only get furniture that is slip covered so I can wash the white when it gets dirty.

I was confident this was a FOOL-PROOF plan - until - I had a child over. Sienna, my god-daughter who is almost two came over for a visit. The first thing she did when she walked in the door was look at my perfectly placed books on my perfectly placed bookshelves, and wham - they were in disarray before I could say, "Oh, it's okay, I don't mind".

What did we order for dinner you may ask?? Spaghetti with red sauce. Sienna, sat on her mom's lap, who to her credit did a great job of not letting a single strand of spaghetti drop to the floor. Malissa (mom) was vigilant. I couldn't believe it - we got through spaghetti without a single stain!

....then dessert came....chocolate ice cream.....oy......

She stuck her hand into the ice cream cup and took out a big chunk of chocolate, gooey ice cream, and then walked away. We couldn't reach her. I was paralyzed with fear.

Not only fear for that very moment and the impending stain, but I suddenly saw very clearly what the next, ooooh, saaaay, 15 years of my life were going to be like: fighting like hell to keep my beloved home stain free. Oy.

Baby Nurse or Mom?

So, my plan for bringing Hayden home went like this:

- Baby nurse for two weeks, then have mom stay with us.

Oh, for those that aren't aware a baby nurse = someone that stays with le bebe 24/7 when you get home from hospital. They do all night feedings and teach new parents things like (bathing baby, changings, dealing with belly button and circumcision, clipping nails, etc.)

- Then it changed because my mom really wanted to stay with us, so I decided against baby nurse because I don't have room for a mom and a nurse.

- Then my mom was like, we should get a nurse. Then I was like no, we have you!

- Then I realized, I want a nurse, no, I NEED a nurse - someone to watch Hayden at night. Did you know they need to be fed EVERY TWO HOURS! I will loose my mind and divorce my husband if I am up every two hours.

Final, final verdict: we are getting a baby nurse who sleeps in Hayden's room taking care of him at night for two glorious, sleep filled nights so my mom, husband AND I can sleep in peace.